my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
