Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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