you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
