well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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