my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
