where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
