So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
