I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
