There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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