That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I FOUND THE LEGS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
