You can't motorboat a personality
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
