Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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