Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
