In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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