So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
