We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
