I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
