At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
