I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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