You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
