my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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