lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
