So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
