I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
