Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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