You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
