i permit you to call me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Come share oat with me in your robe
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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