His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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