I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
