hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
