hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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