haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Where is the hickey?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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