she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
