It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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