It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
