I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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