There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
