I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
