i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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