just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
