just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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