I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
