I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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