I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
