nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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