I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
