Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
