How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
