My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
