the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
