I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
