So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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