i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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