I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
