I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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